so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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