Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just googled if crying burns calories
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
