I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
