Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We talked him into tasing himself.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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