I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
