I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
