Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
