The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
