in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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