i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
