I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
