My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
