If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
