Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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