This is not my ceiling
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
