So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
