Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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