The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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