she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
