At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
