I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
