I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
