Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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