38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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