I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
