So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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