his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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