i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
