So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
