After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
