you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
