Cold hands, warm shart.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
