My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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