Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
