When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
