your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
