in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
