Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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