How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
