i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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