yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sext me about skeletons
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
