Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
