if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
