Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
