am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
