So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
