We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
