id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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