omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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