well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
