Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
