It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
