he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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